so there comes a point

…when you must make a change. you really don’t want to. but you know you have to. everything in you is saying that nothing will be right unless you take what seems like the hardest step you possibly could. i know i am being incredibly vague. regardless, i wanted to share that i am laying something down, for the joy of something better.

and yes i’m still marrying betsy on july 28, 2007. that’s not what this is about…

so we know that song by darrell evans “trading my sorrows”

and the “laying them down for the joy of the Lord” verse…talking about sickness and sorrow, pain and shame. well, i’ve felt a lot of that lately. a lot of it is self-inflicted. see, when your walk is shaped by your insecurities, short-comings, and selfishness, it will always be lacking. and painful. i look back, and i don’t really think i have been truly joyful for a while. i’ve been running on short-term fixes and emotional highs, and not been walking in truth, faith, and love. i’ve been looking to other places rather than God’s word for affirmation, pleasure, and joy. i’ve traded simple pleasures for high expectations. and i’m sorry i did.

i have a lot of growing to do. it’s going to be painful. but the reward will be worth it. i just know it.